Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

What Did You Expect??? By Paul David Tripp

This book is geared equally towards men and women. The format is easy to read, and Tripp writes in an engaging manner that relates to everyone, not just professors!

The underlying theme of this book is how we are our own worst enemy, but for the grace of God! Marriage starts out with plenty of passion and wonderful intentions, but our sin natures will cause it to implode if we’re not careful.

He talks about how marriage is a war of sorts, and that it is extremely important for you and your spouse to be on the same side!

Tripp presents several real counseling situations in order to show the different ways that marriages can get into trouble. When the situation seems to be going sour, we should look at our own motives to see how much of the situation is caused by us.

Tripp doesn’t say we should never talk to our spouse about something they’ve done wrong; quite the contrary! However, did your spouse really do something wrong, or did they just not do it the way you wanted them to?

When you feel upset over how your spouse is treating you, is your displeasure biblically justified, or is the situation upsetting because they didn’t treat you the way you thought they should?

This book was a big eye-opener for me, and helped me to realize my particular faults that would be likely to cause problems in a marriage.

You can find this book online from many sources, including Amazon.

Whether you are single, engaged, married, or divorced, you NEED to read this book. 🙂

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This is mainly for the ladies, since I happen to be one, but maybe guys can adapt this for themselves. I don’t have any personal experience with marriage (unless going to innumerable weddings counts!) but I think it’s important for single Christian women to take several things to heart when looking for a husband.

I think we can all agree that before getting to know a guy, we find out if he is a solid Christian! 2 Corinthians 6:14 talks about how believers should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

Now I know that it is a “woman thing” to want to “fix” everything. You know what I mean? For example, someone gets hurt, we want to comfort them and bandage the wound, then feed them tea and chicken soup until they feel better. This is a God-given desire of women. 🙂 It’s a GOOD thing!

However…..(you knew there had to be a catch, right?) there are some situations where we have to squelch that desire. You might meet a guy who seems like the ideal….he’s friendly, helpful, and has a great personality, BUT, he isn’t really interested in Christian things. He doesn’t have any great desire to go to church where he can be fed by the Scriptures and involved in the gathering of believers.

If you are attracted by this guy’s personality, you will start thinking that you can lead him to the Lord, or get him to be interested in Christian things. STOP!

Step back. That is not your job. If you marry a man who doesn’t think the same way you do about Christian things and being a Christian, you will be miserable the rest of your life. See if you can get him involved with a wise, older Christian man. If his viewpoint changes for the better, then you can consider getting to know him. But don’t think that you can fix him yourself! If he will go to church with you, that’s wonderful! Pray that the Lord changes his heart. But again, don’t think that you can fix him yourself.

This is why it is so important to find out certain things about a man before getting to know him more than just casually. It is ideal if your father can find out these things for you, but if your father is not available or interested in this job, please ask, preferably, a husband and wife whom you know to be strong Christians and willing to help you through this adventure! 🙂

I believe the question of Christianity helps other pieces of the puzzle to fall into place fairly easily, but I will also comment on some of the lesser issues that are still important to work through!

What does he think married women should do? Does he think women should work outside the home? If you don’t think a married woman should work outside the home, and he does, you will be in for a surprise once you are married! (I will save the book about whether or not women should work outside the home for another post! :)) What is his view of money?

What about children? What does he think about birth control? Does he consider children a blessing or a burden? How should they be disciplined? Schooled?

Is he responsible? Does he look for things to do, or does he wait for someone else to point them out? How does he treat his family and friends? The way he treats his mother will be the way he treats you!

I’m sure there are a lot more things that could be added to this list, but these are the ones I have thought the most about. Over the years I have seen so many people say that they never discussed things like religion or roles of men and women with their spouses before marriage, and those things became a point of contention 9 times out of 10.

I am not saying you have to know every single tiny thing about a person before daring to get to know them. 😉 Some things aren’t relevant to marriage at all! Some things aren’t a big deal, and each of you will just have to learn to overlook or even change your minds on various things that the other does or thinks. After all, we’re all sinners!

It’s just that there are a few things that Christians shouldn’t budge on. Those things are the most controversial, but I promise if you hold your ground, it is a safety net, and a blessing!

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I just found this post, and thought it was excellent!


I always love when “seasoned” married people write things to us young (or maybe not-so-young!), single upstarts. 😉 It’s always such a blessing!

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